| Clap on! (clap, clap) Clap off! (clap@#&$NO CARRIER ** ** [- Tribbles Snorkelling "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 "640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates '81 "90% of all statistics are made up" "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." "A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over." - R. Frost "A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience." -Doug Larson "Apple" (c) 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve "Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "Bad knee, gotta run" - Pat Buchanan to his draft board "Beam me aboard, Scotty." "Sure. Will a 2x10 do?" "Beulah, peel me a grape." "Bother," said Pooh as Earnhardt won again! "Bother," said Pooh as the brakes went out! "Build a watch in 179 easy steps" by C. Forsberg. "C++" should have been called "D" "COINCIDENCE" happens. "Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!" "Careful. We don't want to learn from this." -- Calvin "Charlie was a Chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4." "Chicago, Windows 4.0, Windows 95"?!?!?!?" "Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him" "Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze?" -- Calvin "Every time I've built character, I've regretted it." "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity." "Freedom defined is freedom denied." -The Illuminatus "Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?" "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw..." "Hmm... How *did* they finally kill Frosty?" -- Hobbes "Human equality is a contingent fact of history." -Steven Jay Gould "I believe OS/2...to be the most important OS...of all time" Gates '87 "I tried to think but nothing happened!" - Curly "I wanna put my log in your fireplace." -Gene Simmons "I'm looking for Mr. Dover, first name Ben.." "I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV" "I'm not smart enough to lie" - Ronald Reagan "If I knew what I was doing...I'd be dangerous..." "If the shoe fits, buy it." Imelda Marcos "Instant gratification takes too long." - Carrie Fisher "Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb. "It hurt real bad." -John Bobbit "It is not the fall that kills you. it's the sudden stop at the end."-D. Adams "It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs" "Keyboard? How quaint!" - Scotty "Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke" - Obi Wan Gates "Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!" "No Woody, I said _TUCK_ the kids in bed!" "OS/2 is the operating system of the '90s" - Bill Gates "Off the keyboard, thru the router, over the bridge, nothing but net!" "Please return stewardess to original upright position" "Quotations are for people who are not saying things worth quoting." "Remember when we said there was no future? Well, this is it." -- Blank Regk "STRESS IS LIKE ICECREAM, YOU JUST HAVE TO LICK IT!"-UNKNOWN "Stupid" is a boundless concept. "Suicide Hotline...please hold." "The faster you go, the shorter you are" - Einstein "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." - Mark Twain "The sun ain't yellow, its chicken." -Bob Dylan "There are lies, damned lies, and statistics." -Mark Twain "There's someone in my head, but its not me." -Pink Floyd "This is a job for.. AACK! WAAUGHHH!! ...someone else." - "To err is human, to forgive....$5.00" "Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" -Yoda- "Vote for Perot" - Bumper sticker attached with Velcro "We are on an irreversable trend towards more feedom and democracy - but that could change" -D. Quayle "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" -Steven Wright #1 OS/2 tip: Drag the Windows folder to the shreader!!! #28 Davey Allison 1961 - 1993 #7 Alan Kulwicki 1954 - 1993 Winston Cup Champion 1992 #include SWEEPING_GENERALITY.h $$$ not found -- (A)bort (R)efinance (B)ankrupt 'God wills it' may be answer enough, but God does not will what people will not do. 'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt ((((((((((HYPNOTIC))))))))(((((((TAG LINE)))))))) (((((This tagline in Stereo where available))))) (A)bort (R)etry (C)ut Your Throat..... (A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (U)nplug & (S)ell. (A)bort (R)etry (P)ull leg (H)ot boot (S)wipe tagline! (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)*ckup completely? (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... (C)1992 Wild Bill's Machine Gun Shop and House of Wax. (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza (You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake) (c) Copywight 1992 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. * OLX 3 * Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. * _______+++_o.o_+++________ *Four hours* to bury a cat? Yes - it wouldn't keep still - Opens new Gates not seen through Windows! --T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E--. .. Bugs come in through open Windows. ... "I will not raise taxes on the middle class." -- Bill ... "I'll be Bach." - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger ... All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal. ... Bill Clinton isn't slick. He's just a damned liar. ... Clinton Economics: If 1+2=3 then 4+5=6. ... Clinton excuse #15: Hey - I just do what the wife says ... Clinton excuse #18: You took that seriously? Har har ... Clinton sandwich: $5 of baloney and $20 in taxes ... Clintons tax infoline...1-900-SCR-EWME $100.00 min. ... Getting the truth from Clinton is like nailing Jello ... It's tourist season in Florida, bag limit two. ... KARAOKE is Japanese for "Tone Deaf" ... Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydran .....I have a husband and a dog. What the h*ll do I need kids for?!!! .....If it ain't broke, fix it anyway just to screw it up! ...I'm sorry, Reality is not in service at this time. ...On the other hand, you have different fingers. ..Windows NT Performance", on the next "In Search Of" .ASM programmers drive stick shifts. /EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can 1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator. 1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation 10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo! 11 was a race-horse, 22 was 12. When 1111 race, 22112. 1200 bps used to seem so fast 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts 2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being). 2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2) 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? 2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro. 3 dreaded words when making love: Is that it? 3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population. 43% of all statistics are totally worthless !!! 43% of all statistics are worthless. 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr... 5 schizophrenics agree! 50 states, and I had to pick this one... 668 - Neighbor of the Beast 69 is fine...but 77'll get me 8 more... 9 out of 10 dentists recommend oral sex.... 9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women. 90% of all statistics are made up 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. 97.3% Of all statistics are made up [[[ Tagline deleted by Natl Endowment for the Arts ]]] ==/==/==/==Police tagline==/==/==Do not cross ==/==/==/== ]From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own. ]From the Department of Redundancy Dept. A BBSer's telephone bill knows no bounds... A Buddhist nudist practices yoga bare. A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept. A Metaphor is like a Simile. A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces. A Smith & Wesson ALWAYS beats four aces.WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN TO PLAY?!! A bad day on the bike always beats a good day in the office! A big enough hammer fixes anything A bird in the hand can be messy. A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose. A camel is a horse planned by committee. A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes. A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A closed mind gathers no intelligence A closed mouth gathers no feet. A closed mouth gathers no feet. A committee has 6 or more legs and no brain. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned. A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket. A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it? A day not wasted is a day wasted! A day without radiation is a day without sunshine. A day without sunshine is like night. A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. A dirty book is rarely dusty. A drawing pin is an excited Smartie A few cans short of a six pack, Six short. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. A fool and his money are soon SYSOP. A fool and his money are soon partying! A fool and his money rarely get together to start with. A fool must now and then be right by chance. A friend in need is a PEST indeed... A friend in need is a pain in the neck. A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you. A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability. A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. A half moon is better than no moon at all. A harp is a nude piano. A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. A library is an arsenal of liberty. A life lived in fear is half a life lived. A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah. A little greed can get you lots of stuff. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. A living example of Artificial Intelligence. A man needs a good memory after he has lied. A man's best friend is his dogma. A man's only as old as the woman he feels. A man, a plan, a canal. Suez! A mind is a terrible thing to ... er ... hmmmm? A mind is a terrible thing to taste. A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot.. A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out. A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out. A penny saved is a Governmental oversight. A penny saved is ridiculous! A perversion of nature....how exciting! A pessimist is never disappointed. A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice. A rolling stone gathers momentum. A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. A single fact can spoil a good argument. A spanking! There's going to be a spanking! A stage? No, this is not a stage. A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. A waste is a terrible thing to mind. A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won. ASCII and ye shall receive. ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI! Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace. Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths! After seeing Windows I realized Bill Gates is an idiot. Agnodyslexic plea: "why ME, dog?" Ah, come on, just this one last little feature. Air Geordis - TNG footwear Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. Alex Haley was adopted! Alex, I'll take "Things Only I Know" for $1000. All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP. All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy. All I need to know I learned from my cat. All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power All generalizations are bad. All generalizations are false, including this one. All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. All hope abandon, ye who press ENTER here All in a day's work for..."Confuse-a-Cat"! All in all it's just a... 'nother brick in the wall! All in all just another brick in the wall. All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson All programers are optimists. All skill is in vain if an angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket. All stressed out, and no one to choke... All that glitters has a high refractive index. All the easy problems have been solved. All things are green unless they are not. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. All work and no play, will make you a manager. All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait. Almost went crazy. Would have been a real short trip. Alone: In bad company. Always draw your curves, then plot the data. Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Always remember no matter where you go, there you are. Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day. Am I really seeking answers? Amateur Time Lord Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. America Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant. Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications. An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut. An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications. An idle mind is worth two in the bush. An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. An oyster is a fish built like a nut. An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. An unemployed court jester is no one's fool. Anarchy means ignoring things that really piss you off! And God said: E = +mv} - Ze}/r ...and there *WAS* light! And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. And he disappeared in a puff of logic. And how can this be? For he IS the Kumquat Haagen And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail... And it's only ones and zeros. And now for something completely different... And now for something completely else... And now for something completely the same... And now for something ruder... And the days dwindle down to a precious few... And then it goes... BOOOOOMMMM!!! And there he was, reigning supreme at number two. And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch! Another fine product from Bastards Inc. Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! * Anthropologists do it with culture. Antidisestablishmentarianism! Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough. Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do. Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs ther\C Any wire cut to length will be too short. Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Are we having Fahrvergngen yet?? Are ya feelin' lucky, punk?!! - Harry Callahan Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up? Are you really American if your ethnicity has to be hyphenated? Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? Armageddon means never having to say you're sorry. Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. As I said before, I never repeat myself. As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life. As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it. Assumption is the mother of all screwups... Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged. Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy Aural Sex produces eargasms. Avoid sexually transmitted disease; practice monotony. B.Gates : quality software :: R.McDonald : gourmet cuisine BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch! Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Bad Command:(A)bort (R)etry (T)ake RAM hostage Bad breath is better than no breath. Bald: follicularly challenged. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Barium: what you do with dead chemists. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Bayseians probably do it. Be nice to your enemies, it drives them nuts. Beam me aboard Scotty. Aye, will a 2x4 do, Captain? Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Beer isn't just for breakfast any more. Best file compressor around: DEL *.* (100% compression!) Best way to dispose of the Borg: Give them Windows 3.1. Better ... stronger ... faster! Beware of Geeks bearing gifs. Beware of barking dogs that bite. Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing Bill Clinton is the Lyin' King. ( Now playing nation wide ) Bill Clinton thinks that Cheerios are donut seeds. Bill Clintoon: The prince of Dorkness, a caricature of a president Black Holes are Out of Sight Black Holes were created when God divided by zero! Black holes really suck... Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups! Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be dissapointed. Bliss *IS* ignorance Blond Mating Call: Oh, I'm so drunk [giggle]!! Blood is thicker than water, and tastier. Bo Knows Taglines! Bo Peep did it for the insurance. Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people. Bonking with Barbie.. Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies. Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage. Borg spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3 Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER Born Again Virgin. Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. Boy with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day. Boy: A noise with dirt on it. Brain dysfunction detected.... Brain over - Insert coin Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. Break up a relationship - buy a computer!! Breast size multiplied by IQ always equals 69 Breathing may be hazardous to your health. Britannia waives the rules. Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Bugger me with a fish fork.. Bugs are Sons of Glitches! Bugs come in through Open Windows Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved. Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers Bullets speak louder than reason. Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful. Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound. Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise Bus error (Passengers dumped) Bush wears a hat so he knows which end to wipe! Busier than a 1 legged man in an ass kicking contest. But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!! But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car! But my little voice TOLD me to do it! But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks? But then again, I like cold toilet seats. But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination? Buy American! Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More. Buy a supscription to Playboy and send it to your boss' wife By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts! C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public objects. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN DOS RUN CAUTION: RIDER MAY BAIL AT ANY TIME CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom. CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy. CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities. CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman. CODING: AN addictive Drug. COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. CONgress (n) - Opposite of PROgress CRASH: Normal termination. CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART! CURIOSITY? Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower. CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected Call The Bates Motel BBS: 1-800-BIG-NIFE Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse? Can you find the mispelled word in hear? Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"? Can you say "Pervert", I thought you could. Can you see the REAL ME, can ya?!?! CAN YA??!?!!?!?!?!?! Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly! Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5. Card-carrying member of the cultural elite. |
 |