| sam: what's the story, norm? norm: boy meets beer. boy drinks beer. boy gets another beer. in this performance, the role of the boy will be played by norm peterson. cliff: normie, so how is business going? norm: lousy, cliffy. i'm so damn busy painting, i haven't had time to stop in here and visit with my best friend. cliff: i missed you too, ya' big lug. norm: well, actually cliffy, i meant mr. beer. woody: how would a beer feel, mr. peterson? norm: pretty nervous if i was in the room. woody: hey, mr. peterson, what's up? norm: the warranty on my liver. sam: what can i do for you, norm? norm: open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, sam. sam: what's going on, normie? norm: my birthday, sammy. give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and i'll blow out my liver. sam: what will you have, norm? norm: well, i'm in a gambling mood, sammy. i'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap. sam: oh, looks like beer, norm. norm: call me mister lucky. sam: what do you say, norm? norm: any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer. woody: can i pour you a draft, mr. peterson? norm: a little early, isn't it woody? woody: for a beer? norm: no, for stupid questions. sam: what do you say to a beer, normie? norm: you new in town sailor? woody: what's the story, mr. peterson? norm: the bobbsey twins go to the brewery. let's cut to the happy ending. sam: what'd you like, normie? norm: a reason to live. gimme another beer. guy at bar: look, if you really need some help, i could sure use the work. norm: i don't know pal, i uh i've never hired anybody before. i feel kind of weird about it. i wouldn't even know what to ask you. guy: well, why you're thinking about it, can i buy you a beer? norm: welcome aboard. woody: what's going on, mr. peterson? norm: a flashing sign in my gut that says, `insert beer here.' woody: hey, mr. peterson, jack frost nipping at your nose? norm: yep, now let's get joe beer nipping at my liver. woody: how's it going, mr. peterson? norm: poor. woody: i'm sorry to hear that. norm: no, i mean pour. sam: what do you say, norm? norm: well, i never met a beer i didn't drink. and down it goes. woody: what's going on, mr. peterson? norm: the question is what's going in mr. peterson. a beer please, woody. woody: how's it hanging, mr. peterson? norm: better when my butt is hanging off this bar stool with a beer in my hand. woody: want another beer, mr. p.? norm: love to woody, but i've got to get back to painting frasier and lilith's place. this is the first job anyone's given me in like four months. i'm not going to do anything to jeopardize it. i'm really making an effort this time to be the kind of dependable professional that i would like to have working for me. woody: see ya' mr. peterson. norm: (norm reopens the door) what wood? woody: i said, i'll see ya'. norm: damnit, woody! now you made me late man! alright as long as i'm late i'll just have another beer i guess. woody: pour you a beer, mr. peterson? norm: all right, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty. coach: how about a beer, norm? norm: hey, i'm high on life, coach. of course, beer is my life. coach: beer, normie? norm: uh, coach, i dunno', i had one this week. eh, why not, i'm still young. coach: what's the story, norm? norm: thirsty guy walks into a bar. you finish it. sam: what's new, normie? norm: terrorists, sam. they've taken over my stomach. they're demanding beer. coach: what'll it be, normie? norm: just the usual coach. i'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel. coach: what would you say to a beer, normie? norm: daddy wuvs you. norm: gentlemen, start your taps. woody: would you like a beer, mr. peterson? norm: no, i'd like a dead cat in a glass. woody: what's the latest, mr. peterson? norm: zha-zha marries a millionaire, peterson drinks a beer. film at eleven. woody: hey, mr. peterson, you got room for a beer? norm: nope, but i am willing to add on. woody: nice cold beer coming up, mr. peterson. norm: you mean, 'nice cold beer going down mr. peterson.' sam: what do you know there, norm? norm: how to sit. how to drink. want to quiz me? coach: how are you doing, norm? norm: cut the small talk and get me a beer. coach: beer, norm? norm: i heard of that stuff. better give me a tall one in case i like it. sam: beer, norm? norm: have i gotten that predictable? good. coach: can i draw you a beer, norm? norm: no, i know what they look like. just pour me one. coach: how's a beer sound, norm? norm: i dunno'. i usually finish them before they get a word in. what can i get you norm? norm: a transfusion with a head on it. what would you say to a nice beer, normie? norm: going down? little early in the day for a beer, isn't it norm? norm: so float a corn flake in it. how about a beer, norm? norm: that's that amber sudsy stuff, right? i've heard good things about it! well, look at you. you look like the cat that swallowed the canary. norm: and i need a beer to wash him down. what'll you have, norm? norm: fame, fortune, and fast women. how 'bout a beer? norm: even better. beer, norm? norm: naah, i'd probably just drink it. what can i do for you, norm? norm: well, i am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. uhhh, how about a first one? what's doing, norm? norm: well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. i happen to be the guinea pig. beer supervisor: the job is very simple, you'll drink random samples of beer off the line and give us your opinion. that's it. well, you ready to see the brewery, norm? norm: i've been ready for 43 years, sir! beer supervisor: you've had a great first week, norm. norm: you don't have to tell me, sir. it's the happiest week of my life. beer supervisor: here you go, norm. norm: huh, what's this? beer supervisor: it's your paycheck. norm: oh, no sir, i couldn't. absolutely not! not for this! beer supervisor: go ahead, you've earned it. you know, you were right about that timer being off on number three tank. that's something our computer should have picked up a long time ago. norm: well sir, a computer can't love!norm: 2:00 sure. hey listen, now what exactly do i do? marketing rep: well, you'll be in a room with several other volunteers and you'll be tasting several varieties of beer. we'll pay you for your time. norm: excuse me sir, this is going to sound like an odd question. by any chance were you born in a manger? marketing rep: now, try to describe the taste. norm: well, it's kind of sweet uh, but uh kind of tangy too. you know what i mean? marketing rep: yeah, very observant. what about sample b? volunteer 1: it's kind of tart. volunteer 2: actually, i thought it was kind of sweet. norm: no. no fellows. really, it's more of a smoky thing. marketing rep: right again. that's the new mash that they're using. your amazing norm! ... what about sample c? norm: now, this one misses for me, ok. it's like the carbonation is fighting the flavor and the flavor is losing. this is really getting too easy for me. you want to challenge me a bit here! |
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